Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Movie pre-production: Santa is ______

A burglar
"A white spherical thing that's full of..." (it's an insider joke)
A heretic
A false idol
A radical terrorist of infants
A discriminator against the poor or "The King of Favoritism" (Jason Call)
An animal abuser
A slave-driver
The Antichrist
The Devil's Claws
A wearer of The Lord's blood (Jason Call)

As the advent season and with it Christmas break approaches, I am preparing to initiate the writing of the most spectacular and original film that you will ever witness, The Winter Holiday.  Being as brilliant and humble and sarcastic an author as I am, I am fully capable of seizing the task alone if the situation demands that, but I would gladly accept and enormously appreciate any help that my loyal readers extend to me.  How can you do so?  The first and only requirement is to be a Santa Claus/Satan Claws hater.  If you want to assist in the creative development of The Winter Holiday, you must wrack your brain to discover either a negative characteristic of the man in red or an ominous title for him.  I've already brainstormed 10 vices which can be attributed to Santa Claus.  If you do come up with some crime I haven't already listed, leave it in a comment to this post in the form of "Santa is fill in the blank", and it could be reflected in the final draft of the screenplay for The Winter Holiday.  I'll also be updating this post with all the ideas that you provide; if you leave a name besides simply "Anonymous", I'll credit you for the addition to this list, and you'll be recognized for your contribution in the credits of the movie, if I ever actually make it.

If you have any questions about the movie regarding its story, theory, budget, or its minute possibility of being produced, leave a comment and I'll answer to the best of my ability.  If you're the nephew of a certain Cameron, Nolan, Scorcese, or Spielberg, live in Southern California, and want to work on the special effects, cinematography, costumes, or whatnot, feel free to inquire.  If you want to have a spirited debate with me as one who genuinely finds no reason to oppose Santa, the Easter Bunny, or the Black Friday Turkey, or if you want to discuss with me the growing movement to separate religion and Christmas, leave a comment in my last post containing the classical invective essay.


  1. Santa is_

    A wearer of the Lord's blood.

    The King of Favoritism.

    from, Jason Call

  2. King of Favoritism... excellent. The 1st title is a little wordy, but thanks for your contribution!


Please be aware that Google/Blogger has a regrettable habit of crashing before you hit the Preview or Publish button, so writing out longer comments separately before entering them into the browser is well advised.

Moderation is to combat spam, not to muzzle dissenting voices.